It was February of 1970 and the doctors had just taken me off of my birth control pills. I was supposed to start back up again after my next period but my period never came. I put off seeing the doctor for a month hoping that it was just late. I could tell that something different was going on in my body and my doctors visit confirmed that I was pregnant. I wasn’t happy with this news. I had always imagined that when I got pregnant that I would be in a happy, stable marriage. I had a boyfriend, Timmy, but it was no where near the “lets get married and have a baby stage.” In fact, when I told him that I was pregnant, he didn’t believe me and broke up with me. He thought I was trying to trap him into marrying me. I was on my own with an important decision to make.
Timmy
Every day on the way to work and throughout most of the day, I would daydream about how wonderful it would be to have the baby. I would love it so much and I would finally have someone to love me back. Most evenings I sat at home crying. I knew that if I had a child on my own with no help from anyone, that there was a good chance that the child would end up in foster care or a Children’s Home, just like I did. I just couldn’t bring myself to do that to a child. My childhood was not a happy one and I wasn’t doing very well on my own. I thought about adoption but I would never have been able to give my child up for adoption. As much as I wanted to have the baby, I knew that it would be selfish of me to have a child and not be able to care for it properly.
Roe vs. Wade did not come into effect until January of 1973. Abortions were only performed on women who were either mentally or physically at risk for their lives. Illegal abortion was not even an option for me. I had heard too many horror stories. I was fortunate to find a doctor who was pro abortion and she set up an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist. I told him about my situation and my background and told him that if I were forced to have this child that I would kill myself. I wasn’t really going to do this but I knew that I needed to say that in order for them to find it a danger for me to go through with the pregnancy.
The abortion was approved and I entered the hospital in April. They performed a D & C and I was released. This was not an easy decision for me to make but I believed then and I still believe now that under the circumstances, this was the right thing to do. Timmy discovered a few years later that he was gay and died of aids in the early 80’s.
Hi, my name is Billie Walter. I knew that one day I would write the stories of my life. In fact, I was offered a book deal when I was twenty years old but I decided to wait until I was a little older and had a few more life experiences. Since then I've had 5 different name changes, more than 20 different careers and more than 225 different jobs. I've also had a lot more life experiences so I've decided to set up a site where I can share my stories with friends, family and anyone else who is interested in reading them. I hope you enjoy them because they're all true.
Billie, I am so impressed with you for making this tough decision on your own. Considering all the crazy things we both did in that time in our lives, I commend you for your maturity and level-headedness when it comes to this. I imagine it was a very hard thing for you, and I’m sure the image of the beatific mother caring for and being adored by a child of one’s own was particularly alluring and bittersweet for someone who grew up in a children’s home.
While there’s no question that, with your strong character, you would have given your best to a child, you were only a year or two past childhood yourself then, just released from several years of custodial care, and with a whole world unexplored. It was a tough choice to make, but I have no doubt that your decision was the right one. Big hug.
Louise,
Over the years our lives have taken different directions in different parts of the world. We’ve kept in touch and supported each other for a very long time. I consider myself lucky to have you as a friend for almost forty years. Hopefully, in the future, we will be able to spend some time together (in person) just relaxing and enjoying life. Thank you for being a part of my life.
Much Love,
Billie
Wow Billie, You really are a great person with such a great sense of responsibility. Obviously you held yourself responsible and thought about everything and I also think it was a great decision at that time. You did a fine job raising yourself with little guidance, and knew first hand how it was to live like that. You put your feelings aside so you could never put another person through such pain. Very courageous, and I am sure you know in your heart at that time it was a great decision and even so responsible to find a regular doctor to do this and not do it with a quack. Always so thoughtful of everything that needed to happen. Pat yourself on the back for doing such a good job with your decisions and backed them up because you had no one to be accountable to. Very brave woman. My pleasure knowing you and getting to know you better threw your stories. Keep up the good work! Respectfully Andrea
Andrea,
Thanks for the words of praise but I am certain that it was God’s guidance that helped me make the decisions that I made. It’s so nice to have the support of a new friend and I, too, look forward to getting to know you better.
Hugs,
Billie